why me?

So at 9am this morning...my "friend" decides to send me a picture of his er...private area. You can imagine how shocked and taken aback I was when I opened an email and saw penis. Sure we used to be intimate but that was years ago....so many years ago, when we were actually a couple and did 'those things'. For him to send me a picture like that when I been over him, and he over I, just seems completely farfetched and utterly wrong. Not to mention that it just wasn't an appealing sight at all....there's something about light-skin males that totally turns me off. Especially in 'that' particular area--just not for me. Plus, it looked like he was missing a patch of hair, (gross I know). I still don't know why he felt the need to send me something like that out of nowhere. What was he thinking?

"Hey let me just flash Tasha....for old times sake. Sure she hasn't seen, nor touched, nor asked about let alone though about my penis; but I'm sure she'll be happy to see it."

Remember this people....wishful thinking gets you nowhere, and ruins peoples day.

Ick!

what one thing?!

i'm sure we all know this woman....she's pretty much something like famous--or was--or whatever. but as i was rearranging/cleaning my room and working up quite a sweat, her song 'One Thing' began playing on my laptop. i've heard this song time and time again, being as it is almost four or five years old atleast, and maybe it was my sheer boredom with cleaning, but for the first time today i actually listenend to the lyrics of this song.

how dumb they really are i can't quite express; but they are more or less George Bush dumb, (sorry to anyone and everyone who voted for him).

now, let's take a real look at her lyrics starting with the first verse:

Oh, been trying to let it go

Trying to keep my eyes closed

Trying to keep it just like before

The times we never even thought to speak

Don't wanna tell you what it is

Oh wee it felt so serious

Got me thinking just too much

I wanna set it off, but...

to me this sounds like a teenager experimenting with heroine. she is trying to keep her eyes closed to keep the high as intense "like before" because it "felt so serious". but of course that's my own opinion. i mean Amerie never really stated what this "one thing" is and i can't help but pick the song apart.

on to the chorus:

It's this 1 thing that's got me trippin

It's this 1 thing that's got me trippin (you did)

This 1 thing my soul may be feeling

It's this 1 thing you did oh oh

It's this 1 thing that caught me slippin

It's this 1 thing I want to admit it

This 1 thing and I was so with it

It's this 1 thing you did oh oh

now....the chorus is the most explicit part of the entire song to me....just completely too x-rated for any child. but i will go ahead and keep those comments to myself. i do, however, have a couple of questions to ask Amerie, if she's out there....

what is this one thing that he did?!

and why don’t you have the courage to speak about it in the song that you made?!

could it possibly that he offered you anal sex while you were sleeping and you actually enjoyed it?!

could that be why you’re ‘trippin’ and he ‘got you slippin”. is the slippin actually anal leakage?!

WHAT IS THIS ONE THING?!

ode to a camera

dear nikon D40....

i love your guts.

the end....

morality bites the dust...

"have you no morals?!"

i can't quite remember where i've heard this question before, it might of been from a movie or something, but it's a question that should be asked more often. for the people who don't know what morals are, here is the definition:

moral-of or relating to principles of right and wrong/conforming to a standard of right behavior; capable of right and wrong action.

don't feel bad if you don't know what this word means, there are plenty of people who don't know what they are, let alone possess them. it's sad really. there's this one female in particular that i know, and while i know nothing about her past or the way she was brought up, i don't feel bad when i say she has zero morals. in my view, she is the one person that lacks morality in every sense of the word. she doesn't value her life, doesn't care how it's conducted, and i'm more than certain she has no thoughts about herself. i've never been the one to judge people, but trust me she makes this entirely too easy.

who in the world takes pictures with their pants unbuttoned and their butt showing while there are males in the background? i mean i understand those little slutty pictures that some people take in the privacy of their own home and they somehow end up over the internet, but to just completely cut the middle-man out and take those kind of pictures in front of males. not just one male but MALES; three or four different ones, just hanging out in the background enjoying the scenery. if it was just one i could've maybe mistaken him for being her boyfriend or atleast someone she's associated with in that manner...but with different males it's kind of hard to make that judgement. but the fact that there are two or three different males and she is just snapping away with her ass out....classy.

i don't understand what it is that makes females go off the deep end like that. if someone could please explain it to me, it would be highly appreciated. i mean yes you should be proud of your body no matter what, and embrace the things that make us females, but flaunting it in such a way just isn't right. especially for someone who's so young and could easily just do something else with their life. like i understand that the economy isn't so great right now, and jobs are rather scarce, but school is always an option. isntead of whoring around with males AND female, why not just put your tongue back in your mouth and try to do something productive with your life. especially if you're not going to be getting paid for the things you're doing....what's the point of doing them?

i'm not saying the prostituting is acceptable, but these women are using what they have and making money off of it. not using what they have and well....just destroying their bodies.

idk, this is something that boggles me. i never understood it and probably never will. why females feel the need to degrade themselves off the strength of things that happened in their past or whatever the case may be. that's not an excuse at all. females these days need to learn to be stronger and find other ways to cope with the past. if you don't like the path you're leading make a new one. if you ever feel as though you hate yourself....better yourself.

it's simple honestly.

i've been doing it for years.

ink ink ink!!!

i love tattoo ink!!!

for all my real tattoo people out there. don't you just love the way a tattoo parlor smells? when you walk in and hear the buzzing of the needle and the groans of pain and agony....it's the little things in life.

my most recent tattoo was my hello kitty placed umm...down below? [no pun intended]. it didn't hurt. but the one before that...smh. my leopard print on my arm--made me rethink getting a whole sleeve. i was not aware that arm tattoos hurt so much. i had gotten two arm tattoos previous to the leopard print. my chanel on my inner arm and my latin saying for "i am not lost" on the other arm (inner). but for some reason, when you venture out to the outer parts of your arm....that shit hurts like a bitch. and yes....i wanted to cry. but i took it, at times i didn't want to but i took it.

my leopard print is a work in progress. nowhere near finished and idk when the hell i'm going to want to face that pain again. probably before the summer...

2.0.0.9

it's 2009, and while i'd like to sit here and lie and say that a lot has changed....really, nothing is different. i have the same job that i had in 2008,--cheers for that!--have the same friends with one or two new editions, and i'm still getting tattooed every chance i can get. i'm going to be covered, i just have a gut feeling. i have a total of 18 tattoos now (i think), and i'm not really going to be stopping anytime soon. everyone says the same thing: "what about when you get married?! how are you gonna wear your wedding dress with all those tattoos?!" They're just tattoos people, they're not going to make me unable to fit into my wedding dress...just some ink on my skin, don't have a cow. There are some people who just don't understand my tattoo choices. Like the people I work with for instance. There's this one girl, her name is Jaime, and while I don't think she's a bad person and I like her as a friend, she always has something negative or just utterly stupid to say about my tattoos. She has either one or two tattoos, i forget. But i know she has a gigantic butterly on her back a.k.a "the tramp stamp". She has the nerve to try and come at me when she has a butterly of all things on her back. My rose is ridiculous but her butterly is completely acceptable. Smh...people man...people. But anywho, back to 2009. I have some good vibes coming from this year. I see nothing but good things heading my way and I'm excited about each and every last one of them. I'm going to try and keep up with this blog more often since I'm less busy, (taking a break from school). And i'm going to work my ass off to get exactly where I want and need to be in my life....and that's on top.

For now...cheerio.

hello happiness.

day after day after helpless day....i prayed. i prayed until i was sick in my stomach, until i felt i couldn't possibly speak anymore. the one thing i wanted in my life, the one thing i felt that i actually deserved. [happiness.] that's it. i never wanted anything more or anything less, just wanted to wake up and be able to say i was truly and unconditionally "happy". nothing else truly mattered to me for as long as i could remember and i just couldn't grasp why it was so out of my reach. what was it that i have done in the past for me to suffer in the present? i'm still trying to figure that one out, still trying to grasp it-reaching. ninteen years on this earth, and out of nowhere happiness decides to pay me a visit; after years of praying it shows up like it was part of me all that time. it came to me where i worked at the time, right before i was ending my shift....there it was. with its sense of humor that matched mine perfectly, its baritone that sent a chill down my spine, its smile that forced a smile on my face, its eyes.....its eyes that i could look in and just know everything i needed to know. it was perfect, exactly what i was looking for and exactly what i needed. nervous, i allowed it to come to me, time after time, day after day. it came without tiring, never gave up for a moment; not even when i wasn't one hundred percent sure if i wanted it or not. so i pushed and i pushed and it pushed and pushed until we ended up in an endless hug. a hug that we both needed so very much and didn't want to let go. five months down the line, we had to let go. happiness came with a consequence of course; happiness had a blessing, a blessing that wasn't my own. happiness says "i need you", but what can i say in return? i'm back to square one; praying. praying that happiness will be happy and find what it needs to get through this, and during all this praying, i'm hurting. i couldn't even begin to explain how much it hurts or count how many tears i've shed; how many tears we've shed. i wish the best for happiness. i wish happiness-true unconditional happiness-will find it's way to me. my dearest misery, i return to you with a faded smile on my face and crushed joy in my soul. that's right misery, janna is back, she's back home where she belongs. sorry i've left for that long......happiness had me at hello.